“What’s Past Is Prologue”

Posted on Hywel ap Dafydd’s Facebook Timeline.

1 December 2011

I am HIV+ & I will not be a prisoner of stigma.

“I’m going to make this disease regret the day it caught me.”

Terry Pratchett

8 December 2011

Cheers everyone for Birthday Wishes. You know for most of this year I didn’t think I’d see this day. Now I’m pretty confident I’ll see many more. Thank you NHS.

Life. Best. Gift. Ever.

23 December 2011

Yesterday’s emergency MRI shows continued improvement. How’s that for an early Christmas gift!? Sure & steady will win this civil war.

25 December 2011

Breaking News: I can write. I can fucking write! It may only be as legible as a doctors but that is 6 months of agony lifted. I shall write Blue Letters again

*Tears of joy*

28 December 2011

On the 14th day of Nuetropenia my Brain said to my Immune System, “Get a fucking move on & recover!”

Immune System replied, “I’m going as fast as I can! I have been under constant assault for the last 2 years. Besides who developed Lymphoma due to too much haste!? It doesn’t help that Bone Marrow is stoned from all those drugs Mouth keeps swallowing.”

Mouth interjected, “Hey! It took me 3 decades to master the art of swallowing.”

Bone Marrow sniggered, “Swallow!” Mouth snapped, “Grow Up!”

Right foot continued to snore.

30 December 2011

My HIV viral load is 50k. Considering how long the test takes I am probably already “Undetectable”. For those who don’t know “Undetectable” means that there is so little of the virus left in my body that medical test don’t pick it up. It is still there but in amounts too small to see.

My New Years Resolution for 2011 was to become Undetectable. This is one resolution I’m going keep. This Year. Next Year. & Every Other Year until I no longer need to.

31 December 2011

Hey 2011, I just wanted a little chat before we part company.I’ve got to hand it to you, you’ve certainly come the closest to bookending my existence. Not since 1994 have both Brain & Heart lost so much hope. Body certainly has never faced such an onslaught. But Life Force, well he is a monster and it will take something special to devour him.

So Archon, nice try but for a decade & half I have had an appointment with 22nd December 2012, The AllNow & I’m not going to fall at the final hurdle! This is after all a rescue mission. Sakyamuni Endures.

2011. Your. Sentence. Is. Up.

4 January 2012

Bombshell Time!

Yesterday my Doctor told me what to expect from the next stage of my treatment after the chemotherapy is complete. For those who don’t know I have Cancer in my brain caused by the HIV. IT IS SURVIVABLE! 75% Probability of Recovery! But there’s always a catch…

The next stage is a course of radiology to stop the cancer from returning. It carries the risk of memory loss. I am an Experiencialist. I believe I am the product of my experiences. If I lose memories I lose my Self! That is worse than Death. This is the most profound attack I have ever endured & I will not be found wanting. I have a plan…

Over the remaining months I am gong to record every experience I can remember. Contributions will be appreciated. I have lived my life with the aim of filling my Autobiography & now aged 33 the irony of writing it to preserve my Self is not lost on me. This is possibly the greatest challenge I will ever face & I intend on making it my greatest achievement. When Life drops you in the Shit, Grow Roses!

“The Great Work Begins.”

“This is a Rescue Mission.”

“Rage, Rage Against the Dying of the Light.”

23 April 2012

My CD4 count (white blood cells that produce antibodies) was 40 this time last year. In January it was 54. 2day it stands @ 410, that’s halfway back to normality (men have a range of 800 – 1200).

*Tears of Relief & Joy*

29 April 2012

Well the evidence is now undeniable even for such a cynical pessimist as me. I am one tough, little bugger.For the last year of my life I have had AIDS, and yet with no Immune System I have survived Cancer. In. My. Brain!

No matter how dark things get, Never give up Hope. Life finds a way. And when it can’t, make it count!

This has been another hard won Lesson of Life brought to you by Sakyamuni, “The Professor”, School of Hard Knocks.

(On Sabbatical, Orbiting the Rings of Saturn)”

29 April 2012

I wrote this status 6 months ago. I am very grateful that my brothers did not have to post the alternative.

In response to being called “awesome” 29 April 2012

Actual your wrong. You are the awesome one along with every resident of these wet & windy isles. I have never been more proud & relieved that I was born a European, had I not I would not be alive today.

I owe my life to the dedication and care of the NHS and the financial sacrifice of the British Taxpayer who paid for it. This isn’t my victory, it’s yours! You all have saved me from an evenings irresponsible stupidity and that is a debt of honour I intend to repay in whatever way I can.

I have been given the greatest gift anyone can give another. I have been given a Future.


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